Geri deGruy's blog of art, musings, and inspiration

I think about dying every day.

No, I don't have a fatal illness, and I don't need medication!

It isn't a morbid preoccupation. It is an undercurrent of simply knowing that life speeds by and each moment is precious. It informs my moments. I am going to die, as are all of us, so how do I want to live today?  If I died today, would I feel good about the life I lived?

When I wake up, my mind is often already full and sometimes heavy with the rush of plans and projects and and the TO DO LIST. But I try to quiet the noisy thing and just be thankful that I am awake and alive for another good day. There have been many times when I couldn't see that life was even worth it and waking up wasn't always welcome. But life really is short. Each day is a gift and even in the hardest times I've learned and grown. So I welcome today. I welcome the adventure of not knowing, ever, how today is going to flesh out. And that I have choices in this.

How do I want to spend this precious day? 

-Wake up and breathe. Stretch a little. Smile.

-Quiet down and enjoy my coffee.

-Actually taste my breakfast.

-Wear clothes that make me happy, and don't save them for a "special occasion".  Today is a special occasion.

-Read, learn, grow, experiment, try new things, go new places, play with new ideas and open up my mind and heart.

-Notice even the smallest things on my walk. Bringing my camera helps because I'm always looking and I notice things I wouldn't usually even see.

-Look people in the eye and be totally present if possible to experience them. Tune in to them. 

-Have fun. With everything. So many things about life call up humor and playfulness. Laughing is wonderful!

-Hug each person in my family and tell them I love them and mean it.

-Sit still off and on during the day and just be. Tune into my senses of here, now.  Breathe. 

-Work with everything that happens, "bad" or "good." It's all life and although some times are painful, they are also teaching times and they are also redemptive. Anything can be redeemed. Anything can be useful. 

It's different when I do these things knowing I will die. If this is the last time I will awaken to a day, I want to do it with panache. I want to be here for it. I want to live it entirely.